The Slenderman Survival Guide:
With the popularity of Marble Hornets, the Slenderman, originally the product of a thread on SomethingAwful, has become an internet legend, and is responsible for scaring the shit out of many a curious viewer who made the foolish decision to watch the end of entry 26 at 3:00 in the morning. Now, Slenderman is a fictional character, but if he was real he would pose a serious problem to anyone who has watched these videos. Slenderman is a lot like the first rule of Fight Club. You do not talk about Slenderman, or try to find out information about Slenderman. If you do, he will get closer and closer to you until he finally kills you. This takes months, and is a long and terrifying process. From watching the various series about Slenderman, I have put together a seven step plan that may save your life if Slenderman turns out to be real and begins to stalk you. Follow these steps, and you may just survive with your sanity intact.
I do not know if these will work, or if you will even need to use them in your lifetime, as there is no evidence that Slenderman actually exists. However, if he does you might as well have some sort of plan to fall back on, so why not this one?
Rule 1: Ignorance is Bliss
So you've seen him on your tapes, you've heard the distortion on them, and you're wondering how you never noticed him before. He's not just some shadowy internet figure; he's real. So obviously you try to discover the truth about Slenderman and destroy it once and for all, right? Wrong. An important part about the Slenderman mythos is that the more you know about it, the closer it gets to you. Look at Marble Hornets for an example. Jay was involved with the filming, but knew nothing about Slenderman. So he watches the tapes, and then Slendy sends Masky after him, and eventually attacks him himself later on in the abandoned house, in entry 23. In TribeTwelve, Noah didn't know anything either, and after Milo dies Slenderman starts stalking him once he watches the tapes from Milo's visit. And when the EverymanHYBRIDS start screwing around and making fun of Slendy, he starts stalking them. Picking up on the pattern? In a world where Slenderman is real, ignorance is bliss. The less you know the better. If you do start noticing him around you or your friends, do not go looking for answers. You will not find any. The answers will find you instead.
Rule 2: Turn that Damn Camera Off!
Video Cameras are the entire reason the Slenderman mythos exist. Without them, Alex, Noah, the EverymanHYBRIDS and the other ARG producers would never have given us such wonderfully disturbing videos. That being said, if distortion and Slenderman start appearing on your tapes, destroy the camera, burn the tapes, and never buy another camera again. Ever. You may have found some kick-ass footage for youtube, but now you have an unstoppable supernatural creature stalking you. It's not a preferable trade-off. If Slenderman starts popping up in your everyday life, don't start filming yourself, as you'll only encourage him. Slenderman is like a forum troll. Ignore him, and he will grow bored of you and move on to the next target.
Rule 3: Coughs, Memory Loss, and Pills
A common trope among the Slenderman series is that whenever Slendy is near you, not only will he cause your camera footage to become irreparably damaged, he will also cause you to suffer seemingly random bouts of coughing fits. If you have a bizarre cough that comes and goes, and magically coincides with appearances of Slenderman, move out, stop pursuing it, and forget you ever saw it. Otherwise, it will continue to stalk you until you are dead. Furthermore, if a friend is popping pills of any sort at an alarming rate around the same time as Slenderman starts to visit you, abandon that friend to his fate and put as much distance between you and him as possible. At best, it is already too late for him, and at worst he will don a mask and start helping it stalk you. As cruel as it may seem, it's your life or his, and death by eldritch tentacled monstrosity is not a pleasant way to go out. Also, if you are having instances of Amnesia, it is also a sign that you are way in over your head, and you need to stop what you are doing and flee the town (preferably the state) and never come back. Even then, it may follow you, and if it does it is too late for you. If you still see it after moving, skip to steps six and seven.
Rule 4: Abandoned Buildings and You
I've never understood this course of action when it occurs in any horror film. Why do people who are given instructions to enter creepy abandoned buildings follow them? And why do they always go alone, at night, or both? This is generally a rule of thumb for basic survival practices in real life, let alone in a Slenderman scenario. If someone sends you a note or video that gives you an address to go to, Slenderman or his minions are waiting for you there. Do yourself a favor and avoid abandoned buildings of any sort, whether it's a house, elementary school, or factory.
Rule 5: On Cryptic Video Responses and Packages
Ignore them. They will do nothing but send you into traps that are easily avoidable if you do not follow the instructions in them, or watch the tapes contained in them. This is especially true if the video is made up of bizarre and grainy footage, and/or is wearing a mask. And if you see yourself in any of his videos, skip to step seven. It is too late for this guide to help you.
Rule 6: When All Else Fails, Run the Hell Away.
Let's put this in perspective. The EverymanHYBRIDS hit Slenderman with a bat. It didn't work. Then they hit him head on with a car. This also did not work. So, unless you have something that can hit harder than that, running is the best option if you fail to follow the first five tips and Slenderman is chasing you. You will not kill it, and you will probably only annoy it. Let's not forget that in most circumstances, you will not have time to fight, as Slenderman rarely appears in the open. By the time you realize that he is there, it is already too late. Also, don't be like Noah from Tribe Twelve, and run around your house with a knife, yelling at Slendy to come out. You really don't want that.
And last but not least:
Rule 7: No Wifin' in the Club.
Have $20 available on you at all times. It's an old meme, and a long shot for sure, but maybe it really is all Slendy wants. It could save your life. If it doesn't, and in the event that you try to fight it with a gun, keep one in the clip. It's the better way to go out.
Follow these steps and you may just be able to keep Slenderman at a comfortable distance. Still, the best defense against Slenderman is to not think about him at all. Do not worry about a Slenderman attack, and it will most likely not happen. After all, you do not want to follow him in to the d ark, do you?